Because You Never Asked

I was talking with my husband the other night while we were lying in bed and I had the oddest realization that made me a little sad. I'm not actually sad about it, the thought of it makes me a little sad. I don't know why it came to me, but I just blurted out, "You know...Hardly anyone really knows me. No one ever asks about me or even knows what I do with myself." I think my statement kind of shocked him because he didn't know how to respond. I'm the type of person that people like to sit down and tell all their problems to along with every detail of their lives and they never even ask how I'm doing. I'm the type of person that when I greet someone I always say, "Hi! (Hug) How have you been? or How are you doing?" My husband knows and understands this and gets a little upset at times because he says no one ever listens to me when I need someone to talk to, but they get to use me as their therapists. Of course I have my family and my husband so I'm not really bothered that no one else wants to listen to me on a bad day or when I have great news, but what he says is true. Hmmm...maybe that's why I started wanting to write so I could have an outlet even if no one ever read it. (Maybe???) Does anyone else feel like this?  I'm sure I'm not alone in this. You know what everyone and their mothers are going through yet they have no clue how you're feeling. I'm not complaining about listening to people either. Yes it can get old and tedious to hear the same drama over and over, but all in all I feel I have level headed advice to dispense. My life has always been an open book as far as I'm concerned. I have nothing to hide and I'm not ashamed or regretful of anything I've ever done. I see all of my mistakes as learning experiences. My life is an open book for those who ASK. If you ask me something about myself, I'll be more than happy to tell you. Things don't really phase me much and I'm hardly shocked so I guess that's why I'm so unfiltered when it comes to answering questions about myself. In my case, most people only know what they see and the obvious things about me. "She's girly. She sings. She's married." I'm not writing this blog to throw a pity party for myself because I am quite happy in my life. It  just really upsets me at times because I've had family tell my mother,"Well...we don't really know her." That's the part of all of this that gets under my skin. I've heard several people throught the grapevine say this about me. Well, they don't know me because they obviously don't care enough to know me. When we as human beings really want to know someone else we make an effort. If we care about someone we want to know their interests, dreams, goals, current events, etc. We want to be in the know because we care. I can tell almost every friend of mine their life stories and I bet not a single one can tell me what my father passed away from. (Not that it matter...It's just an example) There are so many things that I do in my life like youtube, product reviews, blog, going back to school etc that no one knows about because they don't take the time to converse with me and get to know what I'm doing with my life.  In reality...I have 4 jobs! Wife, Singer/business owner, Youtube partner, and now blogger which I'm obviously just getting started. I earn money for 3 of those things, so yes they are real jobs! I have to work at them and I do them all because I LOVE them. Things with me are NEVER for money, but I don't like to do things half ass so it's a lot of work. Spare moments are far and few for me. Maybe I am being a little ranty in this blog, but sometimes I get so  sick of being  drowned in everyone else's pity pools that I deserve a little bitch fest of my own. Haha! Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I surround myself with selfish people or maybe it's better off that I keep all of the details of my life to myself. I'll just stay hush hush. It must be like this for a reason. Who knows? I guess I should just leave it at that and be one of those people who shocks people and when they say..."Why didn't you tell us???" I'll respond with a big smile and say, "Because you never asked."
<3
Hayley

Jealousy

If you've noticed a little theme in my blogs lately, you're probably right. I've been talking a lot about negativity and negative people and giving you all my point of view on specific topics that deal with it and also how I've eliminated it in my life. I will not always write about this stuff, but I feel a strong urge to do so since I'm always asked for friend and relationship advice. You'll probably read specific stories later on down the road and learn why I think the way I do. Anyways...I want to attack the subject of Jealousy. I don't get it and I probably never will. Well...I do get it, but I don't get why people get jealous when there's nothing for them to be jealous about. Before we talk about that...I want to us to be in our own shoes for a second. Think back and remember a time you've been jealous and think of how you felt. Let's make an example. Your significant other starts up a conversation with someone in a crowded setting. Whether your gay or straight or whatever...just pretend this other person is smoking hot. More than likely you would get jealous. Why? Because you possibly begin to feel inadequate, intimidated, and almost embarrassed that you won't be good enough to even walk up and interrupt this little party. This is called insecurity and insecurity is what makes people jealous. We start to think we don't measure up which leads us to get jealous. Now...if this scenario happens and you don't feel a twinge of jealousy and you walk over there with your hot little self, this is because you are confident, secure, and you know that you have a ton to offer. My point is that people get JEALOUS when they feel threatened. I can tell you that I'm not a jealous person at ALL. Never have been and never will be. But, I have felt it before and I didn't like it. I don't like feeling insecure. I don't really have a lot of advice to disperse on the subject because I have a hard time dealing with people that I feel get jealous of things I do. I'm not saying I'm all that and a bag of chips, but I do know how to spot these people and they always raise a red flag for me because of the lovely job I have. If someone is jealous of you or the successes you have going on in your life, then they obviously don't wish you well. I know that if one of my friends had success and happiness I would be ecstatic for them because I am sure of myself and the life I lead! This can also happen when you have friends with the same interests as you. Like if you work in an advertising company and you've made great friends with a lot of people at work, then you'll basically all be striving for the same things.  I've had friends who have stolen opportunities that were offered to me from under my nose and act like it never happened. I've had people turn their noses up at awards I have received. If I post things on Facebook (yes...ridiculous,but this is a way to spot them!) and everyone and their mother loves my happy news or the fact that I've had a great day except for those same "friends", it's obvious they're not excited for me. Especially when you know these people live on Facebook at home or at the office. lol! You know they saw that post! Haha! Watch out for these people because they'll be the first to make a comment on your status if you've had a bad day. Haha! Obvious much?  I've even fixed my hair in perfect curls for women to run their dirty fingers through it and destroy my curls as they're telling me how beautiful my hair looks! All in all....jealousy is an awkward emotion for both parties. It's awkward for the person feeling it and awkward for the person picking up on the emotion. I personally wouldn't want to tell someone..."Ummm...are you jealous of me or what?" in fear of looking like a conceited asshole and I wouldn't want to tell someone..."Hi! I'm jealous!" because that would be ridiculous. Like I said at the beginning, I will never understand jealousy and why people can't just celebrate one another and their happy lives. This is something that I'm getting better at ignoring as I get older. It's something that still irritates me especially when someone is jealous over things that they have no interest in. That would be like me being jealous of a painter when I have no desire to create art. You know what I mean? Anyways...The only advice I can give is to practice ignoring jealousy like I am and hopefully the older we get the better we'll be at it. Also remember and know that your a little hottie patattie and hold your head up high so you never have to experience that ugly feeling either. Until then...stay positive and happy!
<3

Hayley

Mannequin Mode

(My most mannequin like photo...haha!)

Have you ever been depressed? I have. I'm talking clinically zonkered out on meds kind of depressed. I think it's hereditary in my family. My mom suffers from panic attack disorder and I suffer from occasional depression and anxiety disorder. I HATE it. It always seems to catch me off guard. I can be cleaning house and humming a happy tune and all of a sudden an anxiety attack decides to come out to play. It's one of the most uncomfortable feelings you can experience. My depression always sets in when I have a big change going on in my life or there is a lot of negativity surrounding me. I'm not really one of those people who is good with change at all. I wish I was, but I'm a list making routine kind of gal. I'm also really sensitive to other people's emotions (which I'll talk about in another blog) so when there is a lot of negative emotions around me, I am majorly effected. My experiences with depression probably differ from others. I never had suicidal thoughts or tons of crying fits. I just felt completely numb. I'm talking someone could have died and I probably wouldn't have cared kind of numb. The weird thing about depression (at least for me) was that while I was numb to emotions it made me extremely aware of my surroundings. Since I could give two craps less what anyone thought at the time, my world became this place without people judging me. Well, I'm sure people would judge me, but I was to zonkered out to give a shit. Haha! It's really odd. It's almost as if judgement in general is more effective when we take offense to it. Since I didn't care about anything my world seemed to be smooth sailing without all the drama of everyone else's thoughts clouding it up. If people would tell me their problems and stories, I would sit there like a mannequin and not even waste my breath giving them advice that I knew would go in one ear and out the other because I simply didn't care. It was wonderful! I was noticing beauty in a lot of things that I hadn't noticed before because of the world taking my attention away. I'm NOT in any way shape or form trying to glamorize depression at all. It's not fun and it's a serious medical condition. This was just my personal experience. Trust me..I'd rather have a mouth and emotions any day rather than sit there like a lump on a log. But, as I started feeling better that world of not caring about other people's problems and minding my own business stuck with me. It's hard for me to not dispense advice to people because I'm the type of person who is really practical. I like to make people think. I actually think I would be a great therapist! lol! If there's anything I've learned from being depressed, it's how to eliminate drama from my life. Because I was so consumed and taken over with depression, nothing else seemed to matter. Therefore, there wasn't a smidge of drama in my life at that time. So...when I feel like people are getting to heavy for me and involving me in their life problems a little too much I go back to my "depression" mode. Except NOW...I actually enjoy what I'm doing. I'll stay in, do nothing, watch TV, clean a little house and just basically lay low until things clear up. I'll pretty much ignore everyone for a while so they can get their life together and I'll do it on purpose. (I know...it's a little mean) But, in all honesty we can't take on everyone else's problems and make them our own all the time. Especially when they make it a one way street. Have you ever had friends that spill all their beans to you and when it's your chance to vent they detour back to their own life and problems? We've all been there. People like that are selfish. People like me who are always wanting to help have a problem remembering that these problems are NOT MINE!!! Which leads me to my next point. It's nice to listen and it's nice to want to help, but all the chitter chatter of other people's drama can lead you to the path of depression, the blues, confusion, stress or anxiety when there is really no need for you to end up at that destination to begin with because those problems were never yours. Do you get what I'm saying? I think at least twenty five percent of our stress is given to us by other people. They expect us to handle their world for them yet take none or little of the advice that we used our energy dispensing to them. So...I'm here to tell you that it's OK to be a little "mean" like me and go into mannequin mode once in a while to let people solve their own problems. Key word here is "once in a while." We don't have to be mean and ignore people all the time when they begin telling us their problems. That would just be cold hearted. Haha! Sometimes being nice and helpful isn't worth the stress that's going to follow. You won't be a bad friend either. You'll just be simplifying your life so that you're able to create a less stressful environment for yourself and be a better and less stressed out friend later on down the line. :) I mean seriously...how are we supposed to be positive and cute if people keep dumping their crap on us?

<3

Hayley

No assholes ALLOWED!

I've said once. I've said it twice. I've said it a MILLION times! Our life is what we allow it to be and become. There are circumstances that we can't control in life at times. I understand that. But, for the most part our life is what we ALLOW it to be. Take relationships for example. I constantly hear women complain about their significant others being mean, abusive, jealous, etc. We live in the day and age where we have choices when it comes to who we would and would not like to be in a romantic relationship with. When I hear woman complain over and over again about the same things their significant other is doing that is hurtful it's hard for me to be sympathetic. I'm not cold hearted by any means, but they are ALLOWING this person to remain in their lives and treat them this way. They are basically giving this person permission to use them as a human punching bag everyday that they remain with this person while all the while feeling unhappy. So...How am I supposed to feel sorry for them? They have a choice to stay or to leave. The same goes for friendships. We've all heard stories about men and women who have slept with their best friends girlfriend or boyfriend, ditch the dude or chick, then remain frenemies. The drama is never ending. Do you know why the drama is never ending? Because these people allow these devious people to remain in their lives. The key word here is ALLOW. We are not forced to be in a relationship of any kind with anyone.  If your friends an asshole all the time and makes you feel like shit day in and day out...ditch them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is constantly hurting you emotionally or physically...dump their ass! I say this not to be heartless or mean, but life is so short. Why allow your beautiful life and world to be destroyed by negative beings? Never be afraid to hurt someones feelings if you're thinking of cutting them out of your life because they are destructive with your heart. They will eventually get over it and so will you. That horrible feeling of cutting a negative person out of your life will not last forever. Life will be better and you'll make room for the wonderful people that will come into your life later on. I always tell people, "don't let the negativity in your life block the blessings you're receiving." It's like watching a movie or Broadway show with someone standing in front of you the whole time. You're only seeing bits and pieces while being pissed off because someone is in your way. Same applies to my quote above. If you let people stand in your way of this show we call Life, then you'll only get to enjoy bits and pieces of it. If you clear your path for positivity and love then you'll get to see the entire show clearly, get to know the characters, and of course understand the message. Don't ALLOW people to block your blessings and all the lovely messages that God wants to send your way. :)

People Pleasing

(I'm on the right end with the microphone!)

Friends we make when we are younger are probably the only people besides our parents and family that really "know" us. As children we carry an innocence and a non judgemental out look on life. We're still learning right from wrong, what's expected of us, and who we should and shouldn't surround ourselves with. I think as children we are sort of unguarded. We're not looking for what someone could do to possibly hurt us. We're wanting to make friends so that they will like us and so we can feel excepted. We are wanting to learn how to be good friends to one another. The big difference between children and adults is if something is bothering us when we are a child, we will fully show our emotions. If a friend hurts our feelings we will either cry or tell them it was mean right in that exact moment in time as to where an adult may bite their tongue and lash out later because of repressed feelings. We are quick to apologize and make up if things go wrong so that we can get back to our fun and the situation is never brought up again because we are so consumed with what positive things we could be doing with our time spent together. They say that children develop their full personalities by the age of 3 or 4 which leads me to believe that the people that knew us before we started school (at least before 3rd grade) got to know the REAL and RAW person we really are. I know personally my child hood friends and myself had our arguments, threw fits, had fun, used our imaginations, worked as a team, and supported one another through good times and bad. I know that to this day these girls would fight tooth and nail for me regardless of whether I've talked to them everyday or once every 5 years. Why? Because they know me for me and they know I would do the same for them in a heartbeat. As life goes on and we grow older we have to start school and of course meet new friends. This is the time period in our lives where people get hardened and learn how to conceal parts of themselves. As preteens and teens we are so consumed on who has the better clothes, friends, hair rather than who has a loyal and genuine personality. We begin that awkward pubescent stage in our lives where we are constantly worried about our looks as opposed to our child counterpart who could care less if we just got out of the mud and our hair is a mess. There's a lot of name calling, judging, and worst of all bullying that creates complexes even for the strongest and most confident people. We begin to take on a new identity of what people want to see rather than of the person we know we really are. We become people pleasers which can be exhausting.  This leads me to my next point. Our friendships as we get older seem a lot less genuine. At least from my personal experience. Do we really know this person we've been friends with through out high school? Instead of sharing secrets or experiencing heartache together as we would when we are children, we are constantly having to chip away the hardened exterior of our new adult friends. It's hard to tell if the person we are trusting and hanging out with is really being genuine because of this "people pleasing" transformation we've all taken on at one time or another. Have you ever met one of your high school (or anyone older) friends childhood buddies and seen a confused look on their face? Or even better. Have they ever got mad at you or all of a sudden hated you for no good reason? It's probably because they see the huge change in their friend and they think it's YOU who is causing it. They get jealous, pissed, and give everyone the cold shoulder if you're in a group setting. They don't understand that their friend has taken on this new identity to people please. Their friend is trying to please you and so they're pissed! Why? Because they KNOW their friend from the inside out before they reached this stage in their life. All in all...My point is that as adults it becomes a lot more difficult to identify who we should surround ourselves with. It's harder to trust because hardly anyone is real! Some of us luckily never change or fall into those patterns, try our best not to judge others, and still let our child like heart out to play. My thought is: If we all remained like our childhood counterparts (of course we'd mature...haha) the world would be a much better place. We'd tell each other what we were really thinking, be accountable for our mistakes, apologize, focus on the positive things we could do with our time together, not drag out an argument or situation, and be there for one another.  The stress of our lives as far as friendship goes would be so much easier. No one would have those pent up feelings, frustration, or that horrible feeling of having to constantly look over your shoulder and watch your back. Life would have a lot less drama. Well...at least in an ideal world. I'm not saying that our childhood friends haven't gone down wrong paths or done wrong just because we knew them once upon a time as a kid. It's heartbreaking when we see it happen, but it's nice to know or at least hope that they will find their way back to that person you know and love.Thank goodness I've never followed trends, have always danced to the beat of my own drum, and still keep in touch with the lovely ladies you see in the picture above. I will admit...I have fallen into the people pleasing category before, but I quickly realized it wasn't for me. So what if I have small boobs, a big butt, I'm short etc. At least I know I'm real with the people that are in front of me and I say what's on my mind. I read a quote once that goes perfect with this blog. "I'd rather be hated for I am that loved for who I am not."

<3
Hayley

*Disclaimer: I know there are several things in life that can change or alter a persons personality. Living conditions, abuse, depression...etc. In this blog I was referring to people pleasing and basically what I've observed starts it and transforms some of us from our childhood self to our adult self. My thoughts and opinions are not the ONLY thoughts or opinions out there and I understand that my experiences obviously differ from other. :)

I remember....

I figure I'll start at the beginning. My first memories are of me in a two bedroom apartment with my parents. I can even remember sitting in my high chair in the kitchen and eating peas! In these early memories I can't remember many people being around except for my parents. All I remember is our neighbor Olga who was an elderly lady who has already passed. I remember my mom sending me to her apartment with oranges or limes and her watching me through the window to make sure I got there okay. I can remember smashing a blue bar of soap into my hair when my mom wasn't looking while taking a bath and her having to clean the mess out of my scalp. I also remember getting shampoo in my eyes and not being able to see for days. My father (who was disabled) attempted to give me a bath or a shower and that's when the shampoo accidentally got into my eyes making my vision completely blurry for 3 days. My mom says my eyes were bloodshot red.  It was horrible and to this day when shampoo streams down my face during a shower I clench my eyes shut in fear that it will get into my eyes. Haha! I had a blue blanket which now a days would look completely old school with those long soft fibers on it that were really in style in the 80's. It had white almost tye dyed looking circles on it. I can't really remember my bedroom much, but I do remember my bed being a dark wood framed twin bed. I always remember being taught something or trying to copy what people would do. My mom used to sit on the corner of the couch and read magazines and when I would try to do it I would fall asleep with a magazine spread on my lap because I didn't know how to read and I imagine trying to imitate someone can get really tiring and boring. Hmmm...Sounds familiar to a lot of adults huh? Haha! I can remember reciting my alphabet in the living room as my parents clapped for me. It's kind of weird...but I remember things always being dark. I know they say that children see in black and white until a certain age and thinking back on all these memories makes me want to say that this is kind of true because I rarely remember color. I don't remember hardly any color except for my blue blanket and a few other things. Now that I'm going through these memories in my head I can remember waking up in a yellow shirt with a pamper on! It's crazy what the mind will recall. I think it's a little miraculous that I can remember things like sitting in a high chair or wearing a pamper. I don't remember how it felt...but I can remember it. I haven't met many people who can recall these little details of their life. I always remember feeling awkward, shy, and scared. I don't know why I felt this way. I think probably because my dad was really strict about manners and being very lady like. I assume I was always a little freaked out to make a wrong move in fear of being corrected. To this day I eat with a napkin on my lap, with my legs closed, and no elbows on the table. 

Welcome :)

Welcome to my new Blog!
This will more than likely have nothing to do with beauty, fashion, or anything of that sort. When Myspace was the "in" thing I used to love the blog feature and would write almost everyday. For some reason or another people were interested in reading my thoughts and I had almost 30,000 views on my Myspace Blog alone. I feel as though some of my most random thoughts while going to bed or during rare moments of solitude are the most important messages I seem to receive. Sometimes I feel like I've lived a previous life and know things that I shouldn't or I give advice that is way beyond my years. I also feel like a lot of people assume things of me yet know nothing about me at all. I am not shy to share my thoughts with anyone (especially on paper or in blogs) so I felt it was time to take up writing these lovely and random "Thoughts that cross my mind." Take this blog as sort of a personal diary where you will get to learn things about me that I may not even share with the people around me in my day to day life. Sometimes my blogs can tend to get a bit subliminal and have to be figured out which I will apologize for up front. :) Other times I'm straight and to the point and just have things to get off of my chest. All in all...My blogs go straight from my mind to my finger tips and aren't edited or censored. Welcome to my new journey!
<3
Hayley