Thursday, June 7, 2012

Stress and Prayer

I have been having a TON of nightmares lately. I'm not even sure why.  I have been dreaming about people from my past that I haven't thought about in weeks, months, or even years that have stressed me out at some point in my life. I'm dreaming that I'm beating people up or telling them off.  I'm the type of individual that it's always go go go time. Friends and acquaintances always make comments about my life style. They always ask..."How do you do it? Do you ever give yourself a chance to relax?" The honest truth is 90% of the time no. I feel like if I'm awake, I should be productive whether it be editing a video, cleaning my home, making time for important people in my life, organizing something, working, getting ready for work, etc. I rarely make time for a moment to just sit and relax and when I do it's usually at night before bed.  So...when I stress out I don't even realize it! Haha! I swear my poor little stomach gets the shit end of the stick. I'll wake up with it feeling like it's on fire because I've had an anxiety attack in my sleep. With that in mind, I think I need a break of some sort. I've been doing a lot of thinking about friendships, work, and what I want out of life. I'm being extremely honest with myself. We can all tend to sugar coat our futures, friendships, and what we want all to not sound greedy or to please other people. The truth is I want MORE and I'm willing to work for it. 
I want friends who know what's going on in my life because they are close with me and not because of my Facebook posts. I have prayed that God will reveal these friends to me and it's coming along. People who I thought were friends don't even call me and those who I thought were acquaintances are taking an interest in what I'm doing. It's the craziest thing. Now a days we base our friendship statuses off of Facebook and I want good old fashioned friendships. Real friendships. Solid 2 way street friendships. What do I want for my future? Security, love, and happiness. I want nice things and I want a lot of money. I want a stable marriage and I want to be surrounded by people who love me and that I love back. I'm not at all being greedy. I am willing to work hard for all of these things and I want it because I want to have a child someday and I want him/her to feel secure. I want my step-daughters to feels secure and I want my husband and myself to feel secure. Money isn't everything, but it sure will provide a nice roof over my head, a car that won't give me problems, and a solid future for myself and my family. I want to be able to share what I have with others someday. People may judge me for this...but this is why I say I am being honest with myself. I don't care who judges me for the things I want. I want nice things in my life and I don't ever expect them to come for free. I love nice things and I intend on having them. I want to travel and be able to take care of my parents some day should I have to. 
Most people are afraid to express what they want out of life because so many people are standing in line ready to place judgement on them. Some people will take what they can get because they are not aware that they are capable of receiving more. We all have the capacity to fulfill our dreams.  We all have the option to have a limitless future. The question is: How far are we willing to go to get it? I am willing to jump every hurdle and exhaust myself to reach the goals that I provide for myself as long as I reach that finish line. I won't give up and I will always try to have a positive outlook on what lies ahead of me. Prayer is definitely the key. I can't tell you how many prayers have been answered for me in the past few months. Everyday I am amazed at something that I either hear, see, or learn because of my prayers. I can't even begin to tell you how my path in life has changed for the better simply because of books! YES...books ladies and gentlemen. I believe God puts knowledge in your path to help you and boy have they helped me. Yes I want more. Yes I'll always want more. Does this make me greedy? No. This makes me a living being. When we want more we can get more. When want for nothing...we will get nothing. God says ask and you shall receive and I intend to do just that. I should be allowed to ask the only person that I fully trust with 100% of my heart for all of my desires and know that he will put me on the path to get there. So...what are you waiting for? Ask away.

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